I help you to see things as they are, rather than how they appear to be.
Let’s integrate the truth together- that you’re worthy of a life fully experienced and expressed, despite what life inside the patriarchy leads you to believe.
Who Does She Think She Is?!
Babes, it’s offered as an insult. The implication is clear- she is too abc and not enough xyz to be doing/ having/ enjoying/ saying/ asking for that. We’ve got women micro- managing their entire existences in the name of avoiding this kind of attention, and missing out on living in the process.
Let’s reclaim it and subvert it. Let’s be interested in who we would need to be to escape being judged or criticised for valuing our comfort, our expansion, our actual lives. What kind of people get to enjoy their time on earth in spite of being undeniably flawed in terms of both competence and morality? Who is an example of someone who is confident they will be included, supported, and rewarded no matter how much they show themselves up? (*Hint* starts with Boris, ends in Johnson).
And yet you- compassionate, conscientious, great and gracious YOU… You demand the highest standards from yourself, day in, day out.
And isn’t it unnerving when you are unable to meet them?
Who DO you think you are?
Are you the part of you that has a grand vision for your impact on people’s lives? Or the part that thinks people like you don’t get to have experiences like that?
Are you the highly competent part of you? Or the part that becomes overwhelmed by the simplest of tasks sometimes?
Are you the part of you that thinks you deserve some more joy and fulfillment? Or the part that feels guilty about doing anything for yourself?
Are you the part with a strong sense of right and wrong? Or the part that does nothing when she encounters another injustice?
You are all of them babes. You contain multitudes, and all of them are welcome here.
Our innate awareness of the narrow confines of ‘good womanhood’ leaves us terrified to acknowledge the parts of ourselves that fall outside the lines.
We find it difficult to be who we think we are, or we hope we might be, even though there is life changing advice plastered all over Instagram. You’ve seen it all twice, right? You’ve probably read all the well known books and listened to most of the podcasts too. Then why is it that your life isn’t changing much?
“Keri Jarvis worked in an insightful and integrated way with me that brought instant benefit to myself and my work. She’s part enabler, part critical friend, part provocateur. She managed to time her prompts, questions, advice and tools for just the right moment – helping create the right conditions for positive transformation personally and professionally.”
IRENE CARSON, RETHINK PARTNERS
Say Hey on Instagram
Coaching with me is about going beyond insight to integration.
You are not new to self development.
You’ve been round the “mindset” block a fair few times (as have I babes, as have I).
You can tell me about your ‘limiting beliefs’ and ‘blocks’, right?
You can probably name your ‘self sabotage’ strategies too- perhaps you know that you procrastinate, people please, or hit the scroll, or the kettle, again.
You know PLENTY about yourself. So why can’t you embed new ways of being? Why can’t you ‘imagine the woman of your dreams, and start showing up as her’?
The thing is babes, we are RESOURCEFUL. We have to be to navigate this society. Our wells are deep, and we can stretch ourselves and test ourselves and achieve the seemingly impossible. BUT. It’s become clear to me over the last couple of years that if the root causes of our self doubt are not identified and addressed, it’s unlikely we will create lasting, satisfying change.
And that’s what you want, right? Epiphanies are SEXY. They make for explosive episodes in our lives. You might even describe them as ‘life changing’ realisations. But they’re not, if you are unable to sustainably do anything with them.
In fact, you might find yourself worse off than before. ‘I know this about myself and yet I appear powerless to address it’ can erode self trust, and even provoke self loathing. Especially when you see people making it all sound so simple.
“I don’t really know how to put into words how transformative the experience of working with Keri has been. She’s helped me throw off all the bullshit conditioning about what it means to be a mother, a wife and a female and to find the version of me who was always there, waiting for some kind of permission to be myself; to ask for what I need, expect to get it and know I deserve it; to take risks and live life fully.”
Some of the self development snippets that do the rounds make me think of this:
If you’ve not seen it, I don’t know if we are gonna get along. But basically- it’s all well and good being told to fold in the cheese, or fuck the haters, or go with our guts, but what does any of it even mean?! And what if we just… can’t? Don’t we want it enough? Are we not cut out for a beautiful life?
To put all this knowledge about who you are, and who you want to be into action, you need to explore your own meaning making- about what was, what is, and what will be.
To integrate and embed what you learn, you need some continuity of community. That’s why I don’t offer one off power hours or similar, unless it’s to someone I already have a relationship with. I want you to bask in unconditional positive regard, and receive encouragement over and over and over again, so that what you know DOES become part of who you are.
NEWSFLASH: pulling yourself together, being the hero of your own story, going it alone, and winning against all the odds, taking 100% responsibility for yourself = some capitalist BS. Humans need to experience care and connection. Self care is also NOT IT.
Today’s invitation is to reconsider this mindset mantra with me: What other people think of you is none of your business. Before I tell you
“The only people who get angry when you set a boundary are those who benefitted from you not having one.” It’s one of the classic