Who Does She Think She Is?!
Babes, it’s time to get acquainted with the AUDACITY, Autonomy & Alliance that will unlock the life you imagined.
Wave goodbye to Resentment, Martyrdom & Judgement- see ya huns. We’re done here.
You know that moment as well as I do- the one where you lose your rag (in style), over next to nothing. Because, cumulatively: He is 10 minutes later emerging from his office space than he said, with no acknowledgement of HIS LIES…. You’ve been facilitating and clearing up ‘fun’ activities that are largely rejected, preparing food that will mostly be wasted, & wiping arses, on loop, for as long as you can remember (is it today, yesterday, or tomorrow? Doesn’t matter…).
You’ve been trying to listen to the same podcast episode for 3 days. You’ve been interrupted whilst attending to something on your phone (YOU MONSTER) at least 329 times since breakfast. All the while, you’re thinking I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS. It’s not fair. It’s not what I am supposed to be doing.
And so a kid knocks a drink over or something, and you lose it. Royally. It’s as if they’ve poured that chocolate milk (tut!) on your dreams themselves. There is momentary relief with the release, the rage moving things around inside, making space… for the guilt to flood in.
They rebound pretty quickly, bouncing back up to the present. You don’t, you keep on spiralling down. Why am I like this? Why can’t I enjoy them? Why do they make me like this? How can I possibly think I can run a business when I cannot even be a leader in my own home? When I cannot even get half an hour of peace to get SOMETHING done? When no one is taking me seriously? Why is no one noticing how much I am trying to handle here?
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And next comes the comparison… and the judgement. How come she can hack it? Well, I guess it’s ok for her because… she must have lower parenting standards than me. She must have a supportive partner. She must be able to afford more childcare. She must have a head start because of her old job. She must know people who’ve helped her out.
Let me translate that for you. ‘People like me can’t have the things I want. The people who have them must be different from me. They must be ruthless/ greedy/ self obsessed/ bad mothers/ more clever/ more lucky/ more… meant for it. I’m stuck here. All those things I wish I could do will have too much impact on everyone else in my life. I can’t justify that. What would people think?’
‘Mum. Muuuuuuuuuum. MUM!’ Because you cannot even mourn your dreams in peace.
If this is your life, I am meeting you with empathy, because it was mine for YEARS. I’ve got solutions that I’ve come to through trial and lots of error. I’ve worked out how and why we get to this point, where we barely even recognise ourselves.
Wanna start getting to grips with the TRUTH? A few places I wanna direct you…
And my Facebook group, a community of women lifting each other as we rise. PS I am committed to maintaining that- I closed down a group with 10 times as many members because I’d stopped feeling it, so you’re gonna need to answer a few Qs to get in, but you are SO welcome if you’re up for it.
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Babes, those New Year vibes haven’t quite kicked in for us yet… We’ve been leaning on the games we got into playing over Xmas quite